The Last Full Measure of Devotion
by Nesabj
Summary: A consideration of love and loyalty on the Enterprise


**The Last Full Measure of Devotion **

Part 1 

Ten pairs of eyes stared as one. It was as if they were trying to will the familiar sparkle of the transporter beam to begin. The small room was so crowded that dusty, exhausted bodies pressed close against one another. Even the efficient cooling systems of the Enterprise could not overcome the heated tension of the stifling room. Ten anxious men and women waited. They stood together, hot, sweaty and tired beyond endurance; unable to leave, unwilling to give up on their captain who never gave up on them. The whine of the equipment that searched for a pattern lock was the only noise in the cramped transporter room. Nine humans and one Vulcan held their collective breath. 

Earlier that day, Captain Kirk had left Mr. Spock in command of the Enterprise while he and eight others began what should have been a routine diplomatic contact. But, the Enterprise's mission had gone terribly wrong. The members of the landing party found themselves caught in the crossfire between two rival factions of a civil war that erupted around them. They walked into a deadly situation completely unprepared. The captain put aside his anger towards the diplomats who hadn't thought it necessary to inform the Enterprise of the potential for disaster, and focused on returning his crew in one piece. He requested that the transporter room begin to beam them up. Mr. Spock reported some trouble with the circuits and asked the landing party to stand by. 

The nine members of the Enterprise's crew found themselves targeted by both sides. They did not dare return fire and risk a diplomatic incident, so Kirk concentrated on keeping every member of his crew safe. The ferocious fighting swirled around the landing party until it seemed that they would not be able to avoid becoming engulfed in the conflict. The captain signaled Mr. Spock and again requested an emergency beam up. 

Plasma energy set off by the weapons on the planet interfered with the ship's systems, including the transporter circuits. Spock could not raise shields until all the crew had beamed aboard, and without the deflectors the Enterprise was vulnerable. With some difficulty the captain gathered his landing party together near the beam down point to give the ship a better chance to lock onto them. Spock summoned Mr. Scott to the transporter room, and together they cross-circuited, rewired, and tried every trick they knew. In spite of their best efforts, the transporter was only able to retrieve the crew two at a time. Slowly, two by two, the crew beamed to the Enterprise, until only the captain, last at his own insistence, was left on the planet. As Kirk waited for transport, the powerful discharges of energy suddenly intensified and he began to fear for the safety of his ship. Kirk's final communication was an order to Mr. Spock to raise shields and leave orbit. 

"Take care of my ship, Spock. Raise the deflectors and if necessary, take her out of orbit now." The captain's voice could barely be heard through the static of the communicator. "Don't worry about me. I'll find cover and you can come back for me when it's safe. That's an order." 

"Understood, Captain." 

Kirk ended his transmission. 

It was then that Scott reported, "Mr. Spock, I've completely lost the captain's signal. I canna find a trace of him. That damn energy buildup is interfering with all of our systems. He's gone, sir." Scott's fingers danced over the controls. The room went silent. Time seemed to stop for the men and women who waited for their captain to return. 

Mr. Spock's outward calm did not reflect the frantic search for the Captain's signal lock in which he and Mr. Scott were engaged. He was torn between obeying his captain's order to leave orbit, or keeping the Enterprise in danger while they attempted to retrieve Kirk from the planet. Duty over friendship was the logical choice. Reluctantly, Spock began to signal the bridge. 

"I've got him! Energizing." Mr. Scott's voice cut through the silence. The shimmer of the transporter rendered Spock's choice unnecessary. Nine smiling faces and one very relieved Vulcan watched the form of their captain slowly materialize on the transporter platform. 

He was as filthy and worn as his landing party, but the smile on his face lit the room. "Good work, Mr. Scott. That was too close, even for me." 

The sound of laughter gave voice to their relief, as his crew celebrated the fact that once again Captain Kirk had beaten the odds. The captain had refused to consider the possibility that any of his crew would be left behind. He had extricated every member of the landing party from what had seemed to be a hopeless situation. His crew was delighted to return the favor. 

Kirk took in the sight of the crowded transporter room. He recognized that no one from the landing party had left, nor would they, until each knew that he was safely on board the Enterprise. He bowed his head for a moment and when he brought it up, his golden eyes shone with pleasure. The devotion of his crew never failed to move him. 

His voice soft with emotion, the captain said, "Great work people. Dismissed. Go get cleaned up and get some sleep. We can debrief in the morning. Good night everyone." 

As they began to leave the transporter room, warmed by yet another of Kirk's small considerations for his crew's well being, it was clear that the people in that room would have given their lives for their captain without hesitation. Knowing that Kirk would never demand more of them than he would of himself, only reinforced their feelings. 

"Captain, we raised shields as soon as you beamed aboard. The ship is in no danger. Do you wish me to report more fully on the situation on the ship or on the planet?" asked Mr. Spock. 

Unsuccessful at stifling a yawn, Kirk smiled at his first officer. "If it's not urgent, Spock, let's leave it 'till tomorrow. I'm beat and you pulled a double shift today. I really need something to eat, a shower, and some sleep, in that order. We can leave the mess on the planet to the diplomats for one night." The captain looked down at his filthy uniform and shook his head in dismay. "I sure hope Engineering has finally fixed the sonic in my quarters. The techs have been fiddling with the thing for days but they can't seem to get it to work properly." 

"I fail to understand how a stringed musical instrument would aid the engineers in repairing your shower, Captain," the first officer replied. Spock was rewarded with a howl of laughter from his weary captain. 

Kirk continued to chuckle softly as he and the first officer left the transporter room together. They did not speak until they reached the captain's quarters and Kirk enjoyed the easy silence between them. He marveled at the way that Spock could simply be in his presence without requiring anything from him. What a rare gift the Vulcan's friendship was. And how good it was, how safe it felt, to be home. Kirk reflected that the Enterprise had truly come to feel like home. Almost from the day he had assumed command, he had known that this was where he belonged, aboard this ship, with this crew. 

The door to his cabin opened and Kirk turned to his first officer. "Good night Spock and thanks for hanging in there with me today. " 

Spock thought, not for the first time, that his friend really didn't comprehend the loyalty that his crew felt for him. The Vulcan believed that he was singularly ill equipped to enlighten the captain, but after the day's events he felt obligated to try. 

"Jim, there is not a person on this ship who would have willingly left you behind on that planet. You would never forsake one of your crew, nor would we ever abandon you. Perhaps you need to be reminded of the devotion of this crew to its captain?" 

The captain smiled at his friend, too moved to answer. 

Hoping that his comments might have had their desired effect, Spock asked, "May I join you for breakfast? At the usual time?" 

Kirk nodded yes to both these questions. He stepped into his quarters and heard a soft voice say, "Good night, Jim." Before he could respond, the Vulcan turned and walked down the corridor towards his cabin. 

As he entered his quarters, Kirk stripped off his filthy tunic and sat down on the bed to remove his boots. He was tempted to lie back but realized that he'd probably fall asleep. He decided to forgo food. He was too tired and dirty to eat. He would just shower and get some sleep. 

Kirk's thoughts returned to the events of the day. No one had warned him that the factions on the planet were about to erupt into civil war. He was angry that the diplomats had gotten it wrong again and had endangered his crew by their sloppiness. There had been nothing sloppy about the performance of the Enterprise personnel. Kirk allowed himself a feeling of pride at the bravery and the loyalty of his crew. The scene in the transporter room warmed him. This really was the finest ship and crew in Starfleet and he felt proud that he was their captain. Moments like this made all the sacrifices worthwhile. 

The signal at his door startled him. Perhaps Spock had forgotten something, or more likely it was McCoy come to see for himself that his captain was really all right. He didn't bother to turn around as he said, "Come," and heard the door swish open. 

"Ensign Louis reporting to check on your sonic, sir." 

"Isn't it working yet? Damn, I hoped you'd already fixed the problem. Well, carry on, Ensign. I'd really like a shower tonight. I sure could use one." 

Kirk leaned over and started to remove his boots. With his head down, he didn't see Ensign Louis push a large engineering cart into his quarters. The captain didn't see the ensign move toward him and he didn't see the hypo spray half concealed in the ensign's hand. He didn't see the mask of fury that was the Ensign's face as he stood behind his captain. Kirk didn't have time to evade the sting of the injection as Louis emptied a large dose of neural paralyzer into his bare neck, and he didn't have time to cry out as all control of his body was deadened by the contents of the hypo. He did have time to feel surprise before the drug stole his consciousness and he slumped bonelessly back on his bed. 

Ensign Louis pushed the engineering cart so that it was next to Kirk's bed. A side door opened to reveal a large storage compartment that was normally filled with tools and equipment. He dragged the captain's unresisting body to the cart and roughly shoved it into the empty space. Louis was not a large man and the dead weight of Kirk's body made the task difficult, but the rage inside him fueled his strength. He snapped the door shut and turned on a small tape recorder that he had hidden in the cart. It was all going exactly as he had imagined. 

Louis took a ragged breath and spoke. 

"Sorry Captain Kirk, the sonic is still not working right. Do you want me to stay and fix it now? 

A taped reply answered him. "That's okay Louis, you can come back and look after it later. Dismissed." 

Louis spoke again. "Good night, sir. I'll be back to fix it tomorrow." 

Louis switched off the tape recorder and took a quick look around to make sure that he had left no clue to what he had just done. Satisfied, he left the captain's quarters, pushing the cart with the unconscious Kirk concealed inside. When it was replayed, the computer voice log would indicate that the captain was still in his cabin when Louis left. The tape of the captain's voice that Louis had made secretly several days earlier would buy him the time he needed. With luck, Kirk's disappearance would not be traced to him until it was too late. 

Ensign Louis pushed the cart to the turbolift and waited impatiently for it to arrive. He was so close to realizing his plan. Nothing could stop him now. The doors opened. The turbolift was empty and Louis and his secret descended undetected to the lowest level of the ship. 

Part 2 

A starship needs to carry an almost unimaginable amount of material. Since the ship is often out of reach of repair and restocking facilities for months at a time, its crew has to be self-sufficient. The sole purpose of the lower deck on the Enterprise is the storage of those supplies. A vast warren of rooms, filled with crates and boxes holds all the requirements of the ship and its crew. This is an area of the ship that sees very little regular traffic. Only the quartermaster's crew and engineering have any reason to visit, and those visits rarely occur during night watch. As an Engineering technician, Ensign Louis spent quite a lot of time on the storage deck and was very familiar with it. That time would now serve him well. 

Louis looked up and down the corridors and, as he had anticipated, they were deserted. He entered one of a hundred identical storage rooms and locked the door behind him. Trembling with anticipation, he rolled the cart to a wall stacked high with boxes. The ensign attached an antigrav unit to the pallet and quickly moved the boxes aside. A few turns of a power driver loosened the seal on a wall panel to reveal a dead space behind it, about two cubic meters in volume. 

Louis had discovered this place quite by accident nearly a year ago. He had been doing repairs on a section of wall that had been damaged during turbulence. When he removed the panel, Louis had been surprised to find a cold, airless space where none should be. Louis had been able to determine that this area between the storage rooms and the ship's hull did not show up on any plans, it was simply a design flaw. He had kept the discovery to himself. And now, it suited his purpose admirably. 

The ensign pushed the cart up to the dark space and opened its door. He pulled a small metal box out of one of the small storage drawers. This was a noise buffer that Louis had stolen from one of the medical supply storage areas. The buffer was a white noise device that would completely mask any sound in the enclosure, even the beating of the captain's heart. It was normally used in Sickbay when a patient needed complete quiet. Louis planned quite a different use for it now. With the buffer activated, no one would be able to detect the captain's presence. He would be completely cut off from his ship. 

The cart was too large to fit inside the wall opening, so Louis reached in and dumped Kirk onto the deck. The paralyzing agent still held the captain in its grip. He pushed the unresisting body through the gap in the wall. It was all happening just as he imagined. He took a portalight and the buffer from the cart and stepped inside the dark, frigid space. 

Louis had been planning this for five months. Five months ago, Theresa had died. Since then, he had anticipated every detail. He had rehearsed each step over and over in his mind, and he had waited patiently for the right moment. This moment. Retribution. He looked down at the body of Captain Kirk. He looked dead. Louis felt the rage building up inside him. No. He could not be dead. Not without feeling what Theresa had felt, not without knowing that he was responsible. Louis reached down and grabbed Kirk and shook him. The captain's eyes opened. He seemed to be so vulnerable that for a moment the ensign hesitated. Then the anger Louis had been living with for so long stiffened his resolve. He would not waver. There had been no help for Theresa. Kirk was responsible for that. Kirk killed Theresa, a voice inside him said. He had to die. 

Louis watched as Kirk's eyes tried to focus. He seemed confused when he realized that he could not move. The drug was only beginning to lose its effect. Kirk was unable to speak or to control his body, but with the return of awareness, he was able to think and feel. And, he knew that something was very wrong. Captain Kirk strained to look up as he sensed the presence of someone standing over him. 

Louis hesitated again, but only for a second, as the thought of Theresa drove him on. He needed to tell Kirk what he was doing, but first, Kirk had to feel what Theresa felt. That's why the neural paralyzer was the perfect choice. Kirk would be unable to escape, just like Theresa, but he would feel everything. Fury burned Louis' eyes as they stung with unshed tears. 

McCoy's autopsy report had been brutal in its detail. Theresa's right leg had been broken. Louis grasped a heavy metal bar that he had removed from the cart. He raised the bar high over his head and brought it down on Kirk's unmoving right leg. The snap of bone echoed in the small space. Agony was etched on the captain's face but he could not even cry out. A thrill ran through the ensign as he observed the strange angle of his captain's leg. This felt just as Louis had imagined so many times in his head. 

Theresa had two broken ribs. Again, Louis raised his weapon. Kirk desperately struggled to evade the metal bar, but the drug still held him motionless. The sound of metal smashing into flesh filled the tiny enclosure. Again, and again. An almost animal sound rose from the back of Kirk's throat as the pain exploded through him. Blackness framed the edges of his mind, but Kirk fought desperately to remain conscious. He needed to understand what was happening to him. Who was doing this? Why? 

Dropping the bar, Louis reached down and put his hand on the captain's chest. He felt a surge of satisfaction as ribs moved under his hand. He felt even more satisfaction as he sensed the captain's torment and watched the pain and fear play across Kirk's face. Ensign Louis remembered that this is what Theresa must have felt and he shook with rage. 

McCoy's autopsy report had said multiple abrasions. The ensign didn't dare hit Kirk with his fists. He couldn't risk showing up for work with bruises. He needed to insure that there would be enough time for his plan to be completed. His feet would have to serve. Louis lashed out and kicked Kirk in the stomach. He was rewarded with a grunt of pain. Another kick, then another. The captain's breath rasped painfully in his chest and his face was covered with sweat. Louis felt the rage inside that threatened to overwhelm him. He had to force himself to stop before he lost control. 

McCoy had recorded multiple cuts. Louis reached into the cart and pulled out a large serrated knife that he had stolen from a survival kit. Louis knelt down to the helpless body at his feet. He moved the knife so that he was certain that Kirk could see it and was rewarded with the look of dread in the captain's eyes. Slowly, almost gently, he drew the knife down the length of Kirk's chest. A crimson line welled up through the slit in the captain's black jersey. His blood dripped onto the floor, pooling on the cold surface. The pain was searing. The captain flinched as movement began to return. Louis felt some urgency to finish this so he could explain Kirk's guilt to him. He cut again, careful that no blood soiled his own uniform. The quiet of the tiny space was pierced by a garbled scream. One more slash across the captain's left thigh, and he stopped. Not too much or this would end too soon. It wouldn't due for Kirk to bleed to death. 

Carefully lowering the knife, Louis looked down at Kirk. His eyes were open, but with a kind of vacant stare. Was he dead? Quickly Louis knelt beside the still body. Had he gone too far? No, there was still a pulse. The pain had been too much and captain had simply lost his fight to remain conscious. 

Louis knew he needed to stop. He did not want to kill Kirk. Not yet. Not before they had their talk. Doctor McCoy had recorded that Theresa died of suffocation. It was important for Kirk to die without air, alone and in the dark, like Theresa. And, it was vital for Kirk to know why he was dying. Louis choked back a sob as he rocked back and forth and waited for his captain to regain consciousness. 

After a time, a low moan disturbed the Ensign's reverie. Kirk was waking. The paralyzing agent had finally worn off and the Captain rolled his head back and forth, trying to understand what had happened. He was rewarded with pain of such intensity that it threatened to send him back into the blackness. 

"Where...who..." a faint whisper from the body at Louis' feet. 

"Captain Kirk. Do you know who I am?" 

"Who... you're.... Where are we? Are we still on the planet? We've got to get back to the ship." Kirk began to thrash in confusion and the pain of his injuries caused him to moan in torment." 

"Captain Kirk, this is Ensign Louis and we are on the Enterprise." 

"Help, Louis. Help me. Can't move. It hurts..." Kirk gasped once and his eyes started to roll up into his head. 

Louis reached over and slapped Kirk hard until his eyes refocused. 

"Don't you die now, Captain. You'll be dead soon enough. But right now, we're going to have a talk." 

"I can't breathe, Louis. I'm hurt.... Please, help me." Kirk's voice was barely audible. 

" There will be no help for you. That's what we're going to talk about now, Captain." There was a long pause as Louis felt the loss of Theresa again. "Do you remember Geology Specialist Theresa Walters?" 

"Can't think... who? Walters. No. " Kirk tried to control the pain as he strained to think. He needed help. Why was Louis just standing there? He had to concentrate. Who was Louis asking him about? Then, he remembered Walters. 

"Oh, Walters.... Geologist. She died in that cave on... Foltin IV a few months back didn't she? We got everyone out but her... Terrible, waste, so young. We dug and dug, but we were too late...." Kirk's voice trailed off as he remembered his crewmember's loss. He remembered every one who died. 

Louis' voice was high and shrill and betrayed the frenzy that drove him. "You ordered her into those caves and you left her to die. She would have done anything for you. She was devoted to the great Captain Kirk. You used her like she was a tool. And then you left her in the dark and she died. You murdered her. She was afraid of the dark, you know. She never told anyone but me. I knew lots of things about her that no one else knew. And now, Theresa and I are going to return the favor. This is your cave. You're going to die here, alone, in pain and in the dark, like Theresa." 

Kirk struggled to understand what the Ensign was saying to him. He was still groggy from the drug and the agony of his injuries made him grind his teeth, but he refused to surrender to the pain. 

"Ensign, I remember Foltin IV, the cave walls collapsed. There was no warning. We didn't leave her. We did everything we could to save her. Don't do this, Louis. We can still fix this. Let me help you before this goes too far." Kirk desperately tried to get through to his captor, but he could see that he was not penetrating the rage. He was weakening rapidly and feared that he didn't have much time. 

The snarling fury in Louis' voice filled Kirk with despair, and his next words seemed to seal the captain's fate. "Do you think you can order me not to do this, Kirk? You don't give orders to me. Not anymore. There was a time when I would have marched into hell if you had ordered me to. But not anymore. I don't owe you anything, not duty, not loyalty, and certainly not obedience. Not since you abandoned Theresa." 

Sensing that it was hopeless, Kirk still searched for something that would reach Louis. "Theresa wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want others to die too. She was a fine officer. She wouldn't want you to throw your life away." 

For several minutes, there was no reply and the captain began to hope that he might be getting through to Louis. Then, the ensign's soft voice broke the silence. It almost sounded as he was speaking to himself. 

"I know what she wanted. I loved her. You didn't care about her. You abandoned her to die in the dark. She would have done anything for you. She always talked about how lucky she was to be on the Enterprise with you, the great Captain Kirk, who would never surrender his crew without a fight. But you gave up on her. 

I know she wants me to do this. As soon as you're dead, I can join her and we'll be together always. No one can stop this. When I leave, I'll seal the panel behind me. The noise buffer will mask any sound you make. You can shout and shout, just like Theresa did. No one will hear you. No one will find you until it's too late. They don't even know you're missing yet and when they do, they'll take too long to figure out where you are. I've seen to that. There's air in here for about twelve hours. That should be time enough for you to think about what you did to her. And then, you'll be dead like she is." 

Kirk watched in horror as Louis scrambled out of the enclosure without a backward glance and pushed the panel shut behind him. As he left, the light left with him and Kirk was in total blackness. The sound of a power driver indicated that the Ensign was proceeding to seal him into the airless prison. Kirk shouted, 

"Louis, don't do this. It's still not too late." 

But he was wrong. It was too late. Louis couldn't hear him even if he wanted to. The noise buffer worked perfectly. No one could hear him. In desperation, Kirk struggled to move. The pain of his efforts was too great and as the captain descended into unconsciousness he felt the cold grip of fear. 

Part 3 

At precisely seven hundred hours, Mr. Spock stood in front of the captain's cabin awaiting the familiar signal to enter. There was no answer. He buzzed again. Still no answer. Puzzled, Spock considered his next course of action. Although it seemed unlikely, perhaps the captain had already gone to the mess and was waiting for him there. He walked quickly to the turbo lift and waited as the doors opened. One of the engineering technicians, Louis, he thought, got off the lift and started down the corridor towards the captain's cabin. That sonic again, thought Spock. I wonder if the captain had his shower last night? 

As Spock entered the officers' mess, he was greeted by Mr. Scott and Lieutenant Uhura, but no captain. After being assured that they had not yet seen Captain Kirk that morning, Mr. Spock was more puzzled than ever. A sense of unease caused the Vulcan to indulge in speculation. Was it possible that the captain had fallen ill during the night? Perhaps he had been injured during yesterday's mission and had required the services of Dr. McCoy. He had not seemed hurt, however the first officer had watched his captain hide such things from him too often to discount the possibility. And, Spock could not completely suppress that vague impression that something was wrong. 

Spock hurried toward Sickbay. It was unlike the captain not to inform him that there was a change in their plans. As he entered the Sickbay, Spock could see at a glance that all the beds were vacant. He was not sure whether to be relieved or dismayed. 

"Something I can help you with, Spock?" McCoy picked up his head from the report that he was reading. 

"Doctor, have you seen the captain this morning?" 

"Nope, haven't seen him. I thought you two would be having breakfast like you always do," answered McCoy. 

"When I went to the captain's cabin to go to breakfast with him, he did not answer the door. Nor is he in the mess. I thought perhaps he had been taken ill and was in Sickbay." 

"I haven't seen him at all, Spock. Is he on the bridge? Maybe something came up during the night and he didn't want to disturb you." 

Spock turned to the wall comm unit and signaled the bridge. The watch officer assured Spock that Captain Kirk had not been there since night watch had begun. He turned to the Doctor with a puzzled look on his face. 

"This is most unlike the captain. Perhaps I should check in his cabin to make sure that he is not incapacitated." 

McCoy grabbed his medikit and followed the Vulcan as he hurried out of Sickbay. Neither of them spoke on the way to the captain's quarters. Each of them was aware of how unusual it was for Kirk to be late for anything. When they arrived at his cabin, Spock overrode the lock and entered, only to find an empty cabin. The captain's dusty tunic from the day before was on the floor, but there was no sign of the captain. It appeared that he had not slept in the bed, nor had he used his sonic shower, which was still not working. Spock turned to the comm unit on Kirk's desk. 

"Captain Kirk, please report." Neither man spoke as they awaited an answer to Spock's request. 

"Where could he be, Spock? I'm starting to get a really bad feeling." 

"The captain must be somewhere on the ship Doctor. We should simply endeavor to act logically and find him. I must go to the bridge now, as I will shortly be on duty. We can consider our actions from there." The first officer and the doctor left Captain Kirk's cabin silently, each lost in his own thoughts. As they left the turbolift and entered the bridge, both turned to the command chair, half expecting to find Kirk sitting there, drinking a cup of coffee and checking reports. The command chair was empty. 

The air seemed even colder than usual to Spock who was used to being chilled on the bridge. Unwilling to acknowledge his growing discomfort, Spock relieved the night watch commander and went to his science station. He found that he was reluctant to sit in the captain's chair. McCoy came to stand beside him. 

"Captain Kirk to the bridge." Spock spoke into the comm unit at his station. No response. 

McCoy's low whisper penetrated the Vulcan's thoughts. "All right, Spock. You've got to do something. Jim could be in trouble. Why isn't he answering? Where could he be?" 

"I admit to being puzzled, Doctor. A search might be in order, although I am somewhat reluctant to order one. What if we are intruding on the captain's privacy? Perhaps he spent the night elsewhere and is detained." Spock kept his face hidden as he made this suggestion, acutely embarrassed to be discussing Captain Kirk's private life. 

"No way, Spock. He'd never be late for his shift and he'd never ignore two pages from you. Jim's too considerate to worry us unnecessarily. He's in trouble. I'm really afraid something's wrong." 

Although he would never admit that they shared a similar feeling, the first officer suspected that Doctor McCoy was correct. 

"Very well, Doctor, I can not ignore that possibility. I will order a search. If security is unsuccessful in its search for the captain, we must listen to the computer voice log from his cabin, since that is where I saw him last. Perhaps it will tell us something." 

Spock leaned over to the comm unit and signaled for security. He ordered them to perform a Code One search for Captain Kirk, who was missing and possibly unable to respond. The worried voice of the security chief answered that all personnel would begin the search immediately. 

The anxious faces of the bridge crew looked at their first officer. They were too disciplined to question Mr. Spock and he was too preoccupied to anticipate their inquiries. It was Dr. McCoy who finally broke the silence. 

"The captain has not reported for duty and he has not answered his page. He's not in his cabin and we haven't seen him since last night. That's all we know. Security is searching for him now and if we find out any more we'll fill you in." 

"Aye, sir." Lieutenant Sulu answered for his colleagues. "If we can help...." His voice trailed off. 

Time moved with agonizing slowness as the bridge officers waited for security to report. Finally, the voice of the security chief over the comm channel broke the silence. 

"Security to Mr. Spock. I'm sorry sir; there's no sign of Captain Kirk. A Code One search has been completed and we await further orders." 

"Standby, security. Spock out." 

Turning to his computer controls, he switched on the log files. "Computer, this is First Officer Spock, clearance code 1Alpha279Gamma. Replay all voice recordings from Captain Kirk's cabin for the last ten hours. 

"Working". He listened as Kirk and the engineering tech spoke about the broken sonic. Spock heard the tech leave the room, apparently leaving the captain alone in his cabin. After that there was only silence. 

"Computer, verify the voices on the log." 

"Captain James T. Kirk, Ensign Robert Louis." the metallic voice of the computer left no doubt. Spock signaled to engineering and called for Ensign Louis to report to the bridge. 

The bridge crew tried to go about its business, attending to the work of a normal duty shift. All pretense ended when the turbolift doors opened and every face turned, expecting to see Captain Kirk bound through the doors with some explanation for worrying them all so badly. It was Ensign Louis. A disappointed sigh escaped from Lieutenant Uhura. 

"Ensign Louis reporting as ordered." The Ensign seemed agitated, but then so was the entire bridge crew. Captains don't just vanish. And, this was Captain Kirk and the Enterprise. 

Spock spoke. "Ensign, you were in Captain Kirk's quarters last night and I saw you in the corridor this morning. Please clarify your activities." 

"Well, sir, the captain's been having trouble with his sonic. It still wasn't working last night, but he said I should come back in the morning. When I came back he didn't answer his door, so I left." 

"Was the captain in any difficulty when you saw him last, Ensign?" asked Dr. McCoy. 

"I thought he might be in some pain, but he didn't mention it, so I didn't say anything." Louis answered. He answered truthfully, just not the whole truth. 

"Did he mention that he was planning to go anywhere after you left?" asked the Doctor. 

"No sir, I'm pretty sure he wasn't going anywhere." Again, it was the truth. 

Spock looked carefully at the ensign who seemed reluctant to look the first officer in the eye. "That will be all, Louis. Dismissed." 

As the tech left the bridge, Spock steepled his fingers and seemed lost in thought. He sat motionless for some time. 

Part 4 

Many decks below the bridge, alone and in the dark, Captain Kirk stirred to wakefulness. Confusion gripped him, along with terrible pain. Then a shiver of horror passed though him as he remembered Louis. 

_Think Kirk. You've got to think your way out of this. He said there was only enough air for twelve hours._

He had no way to tell how long he had been unconscious. It was hard to catch his breath but maybe that was just the ribs. There was no point in worrying about the air. 

_The air is the air._

T'Pau's words came back to him. What would she think about the behavior of outworlders if she could see him now? 

_Focus. Don't let your mind wander. You can't afford to loose concentration_. 

Cautiously, he began to move his body, to try to assess his injuries. His leg was a throbbing mass of pain. Probably broken, and his chest ached. Broken ribs and maybe a lung puncture. It hurt to breathe. He ran his hand over his chest and thigh and felt the jagged cuts and the stickiness of his blood. It seemed like the bleeding had stopped, but he felt very weak. His entire body felt bruised and tender. Bad, but he'd been hurt worse. He could handle this. He'd have to. 

_Think... it's a command problem. Strategy. Have to get out of here and fast._

Slowly and carefully he began to move. The pain was terrible, but he wouldn't quit. His entire body throbbed, beating out a tattoo of agony. Sweating and trembling, he tried the meditations that Spock had worked to teach him. 

_There is no pain. I control the pain. The pain is not real. The pain...._

Blackness took him and mercifully the pain ceased. 

Kirk dreamed he was trapped in a cave with no light and no air. Someone was keeping him from his duty. He had to get to the bridge. The ship was in terrible danger and he needed to be on the bridge. He struggled desperately against his captor, and suddenly the pain returned. This felt like a nightmare. It was so dark. Maybe he was asleep? Then he remembered Louis. This was real. His body was racked by violent tremors. Kirk recognized that he was probably going into shock from loss of blood. The cold deck seemed to leach all the heat from his body. He had to move and he had to start now. Before he couldn't move at all. 

_Evaluate your situation, Kirk. You've trained for this._

Kirk concentrated on controlling his breathing. As his mind focused, he cast about for something, anything, which would give him an edge. He'd been able to think his way out of hopeless situations before. 

The noise buffer. The captain had seen it before Louis had left him. He thought he knew where it was. The space was so small; he ought to be able to get to it, maybe turn it off. The crew should be looking for him by now. He didn't have a chance if they couldn't hear him. Slowly, painfully, he dragged his shivering body in the direction where he thought he had seen the buffer. It was getting harder to breathe and he hurt so badly. He couldn't think about that now. His hand brushed the wall and he desperately reached for the buffer. It wasn't there. 

_"No, no."_

Kirk moaned softly in despair. Another chill shook him, sending a surge of agony through his body. It would be so easy to just lie back and go to sleep. The struggle would end and he would have peace. Louis would have his revenge and he could let go of all this pain. 

_Don't Kirk. Don't let yourself think that way. You're not ready to die._

One more time, something inside of Captain Kirk refused to accept surrender. It was the same stubbornness that pushed him to impossible feats when the safety of his ship or crew was threatened. The captain just had to find a way out of this, as he had fought his way out of so many other situations before. 

Inching painfully along the wall, he felt frantically for the small box that promised him some chance of survival. His fingers touched cold metal. Slowly, carefully he felt the object. Not the buffer, Louis' metal bar. Well, he could use that to signal for help when he found the buffer. He gripped the metal bar with the concentration of a man unwilling to accept defeat. He had to try to locate the noise buffer. It wasn't much, but at least it was something. Captain Kirk was not ready to die, yet. 

Part 5 

The senior bridge crew seated around the conference table in the briefing room looked grim as they listened to the first officer calmly and logically outline the details of their situation. 

"The captain has now been missing for at least eleven hours. Security has conducted an unsuccessful Code One search. As you know, this means that the entire ship was inspected, including all storage areas and turbo lift shafts, and no trace of him was found. An audio scan was made of the ship, and the computer identified neither the captain's voice nor his biorhythm. The department heads have questioned all personnel on the ship, and no one has seen the captain since Engineering Technician Louis left him in his cabin. As it is unlikely that Captain Kirk is hiding, we must assume either foul play or accident." 

Foul play. Shock registered on the faces of the officers sitting at the briefing room table. Who could possibly want to harm Captain Kirk? Someone on board the Enterprise? That was unthinkable. The crew was devoted to their brave, stubborn captain. Yet it was the logical, controlled Vulcan, the captain's closest friend, who made the suggestion. The bridge crew had to consider the idea seriously. 

"If we do not find him within one hour, as per Starfleet regulation 1437, I shall be forced to officially declare Captain Kirk missing and we must consider the possibility that he may be dead." 

A stunned silence was replaced by Dr. McCoy's outraged voice. "Spock, how can you suggest something like this? Are you giving up on Jim? I refuse to accept this. There must be something else. Something we just aren't thinking of." 

"Doctor, control yourself. Starfleet regulations are quite clear. If a captain is missing for longer than twelve hours, actions must be taken to protect the ship. I have not given up on Captain Kirk, as you assert. We shall certainly continue to look for him. Perhaps you wish to suggest a course of action." 

Every face at the table swiveled in astonishment. Had they really heard Mr. Spock admitting that he needed the Doctor's help? If the situation had not been so terrible, they might have been tempted to smile at that. 

"Mr. Spock," Lieutenant Uhura spoke up hesitantly, "There is something that's been bothering me, but it seems kind of silly." 

"Please continue, Lieutenant. At this point I will consider any possibility." 

"Well, sir," the communications officer began, "I listened to the captain's voice log as you requested. There's something that doesn't make sense to me. Could we replay the log?" 

Spock nodded his consent and the senior officers listened as their captain talked to Ensign Louis. The silence at the end of the log was chilling. It was hard for each person around the table not to consider that these might be the last words they heard from Captain Kirk. 

Uhura spoke again. "Mr. Spock, I heard about how difficult the landing party detail was, and how tired and dirty everyone was, including the captain." 

"Really, Uhura," interrupted Dr. McCoy, shaken from listening to his friend's voice, "what does that have to do with anything?" 

"Please continue, Lieutenant." Mr. Spock gave the doctor a look that silenced his protest. 

"Well, sir. Why did the captain let the tech go without fixing his shower? If he was as dirty as everyone said he was, why didn't Captain Kirk insist that he at least try to fix the sonic? The captain even told him that he wanted a shower that night. Yet he let Louis leave without a word. Their whole conversation doesn't seem right. Do you think the log could have been faked?" 

"An excellent question, Lieutenant Uhura, and one I had not considered. As I recall, after beam up, the captain mentioned wanting a shower. You are correct in concluding that it is unlikely that Captain Kirk would not protest the technician's inability to fix his sonic. Perhaps Ensign Louis should be questioned again." 

"Uhura, you're a genius. I thought there was something funny about that boy. He seemed awfully nervous. Let's get Louis back in here and ask him some hard questions," shouted McCoy. 

Spock signaled for security and ordered them to bring the engineering tech to the briefing room. As they waited, all the officers around the table felt the tension in the room. It was impossible to keep from considering how different their lives would be if something happened to Captain Kirk. Each of them treasured the seamless way in which they melded professionally and personally. A kind of rhythm had developed on the ship during their years of service to the captain. And, they all recognized that it was James T. Kirk who was the heart of that rhythm. There might be other captains, there might be other ships, but for every person in that room the life that Captain Kirk created for them on the Enterprise was irreplaceable. 

"Security to Mr. Spock. We found Ensign Louis in his quarters. We had to override his privacy lock. He was unconscious and is now on his way to Sickbay. There's a coded message on his comm terminal. It's for you, Mr. Spock." 

"Send it up here, Lieutenant." Spock turned to the terminal as Dr. McCoy ran out of the briefing room. 

"Don't let Louis die, Dr. McCoy. It would appear that he may hold the answer to the captain's disappearance." Spock ordered. 

"I know my business, Spock." answered the doctor. "I'll look after Louis, you find Jim." 

"Understood, Dr." 

Spock turned to his terminal and the hate-filled voice of Ensign Louis filled the room. 

"Mr. Spock, if you are listening to this, I am already dead and so is Captain Kirk. I have put him in a place on the ship where no one will ever find him. Kirk left Theresa Walters to die on Foltin IV and now we have returned the favor. It's too late for me and it's too late for him. He died knowing what it was like to be run out of air, alone and in the dark like my Theresa." The screen went blank. 

Mr. Spock turned to the wall comm and called Sickbay. 

"Dr. McCoy, is Ensign Louis still alive?" he inquired. 

"Barely, Spock. He gave himself a massive cocktail of drugs. They're interfering with his breathing and I'm having difficulty stabilizing him. We're neutralizing the drugs as fast as we can, but he won't be conscious for hours. That is, if he makes it at all. Did his message tell you anything about the captain?" 

"Yes, Doctor. He admitted that he is responsible for kidnapping Captain Kirk. Louis said that he left him somewhere on the ship, but he did not indicate where. Only that the captain is in a place that would run out of air, and that Jim may already be dead. However, since Louis still lives, we must consider the possibility that the captain is alive, as well." The Vulcan paused for a moment. When he continued, his face was a mask, set in stone. "I must act on the premise that captain is not yet dead, but his time may be limited. Therefore, you must bring Louis to consciousness immediately, so that I can question him." 

There was a long pause. McCoy weighed his medical oath against his overwhelming desire to help his friend and captain. He gave the only answer that he could and the pain in his voice was clear, even to the first officer. 

"I can't do that Spock. It's too dangerous to Louis to rush this. If I give him something to wake him, it could kill him. Jim would never allow us to harm someone deliberately, even to save himself. You know that. I'll do what I can, but you use that Vulcan brain of yours and figure out where Jim could be. McCoy out." 

Spock knew that the doctor was right. The last thing the captain would sanction was endangering one life to save another. Still, Spock railed at the situation. He took a calming breath and forced himself to concentrate on the situation at hand. 

The ensign said that Jim was alone and in an airless and dark place. There were not too many places on the ship that fit that description. Where could the ensign take the captain? And how could he get him there without being seen? He is an engineer. Has he any unique access? Engineering is too busy. He has access to the storage level. That would be an ideal place to hide someone, but security has already checked there. Still... 

Spock strode out of the briefing room, leaving his colleagues to wonder at his actions. He could not tell anyone where he was going. He wasn't really sure himself. Even in such a desperate situation, he was reluctant to admit that he was following a hunch. He just knew that he had to pursue some faint direction that seemed to be pulling him to the lowest level of the Enterprise. 

Part 6 

Kirk's thoughts drifted to Specialist Walters. He truly had remembered her. She had been so enthusiastic, so full of life. The captain hadn't known about her relationship with Louis. Maybe if he had been more aware of the ensign's pain, Louis wouldn't have snapped. Kirk felt sorrow at the thought that he had failed both Walters and Louis. Had she really been afraid of the dark? What a terrible way to die, alone and afraid. Kirk had always known that he would die alone. Louis was going to die too. So much death. His fault. He was the captain; he alone was responsible. 

Kirk knew that he couldn't fight much longer. It would be so easy just to go to sleep. He was so tired. He had been so tired from that mission. For one moment, the performance of his crew warmed him. He thought about last night in the transporter room and how devoted his crew had seemed. The captain who never gave up on his crew? Well, they were wrong. He had been wrong. Louis had shown him his error. Kirk had felt safe on this ship, sure of his crew's loyalty. Maybe it was the ultimate irony that in the end, loyalty might be what killed him; the loyalty of one angry ensign to his dead love. 

Over the years, he had sent so many to their deaths. They all had people who loved them. Did all those people blame him, too? Suddenly, Kirk saw every crewmember that had died under his command. They were all in this cold, airless prison with him. They were sucking the last breath of air from the space. He deserved to die. Louis said so and maybe he was right. 

In a rather detached part of his mind, Kirk reflected that it was odd that he not afraid. He had always known he would die alone and that possibility had filled him with horror. Yet for some reason, at this moment, he felt only sadness and a sense of failure. He hadn't been able to think his way out of this one. And he had failed his crewman. He should have been more aware of the Ensign's loss. He was responsible for Louis' madness and it would be his fault if Louis died. 

As these thoughts swirled in Kirk's mind, his fingers made contact with a small metal box. The buffer, at last. The captain could turn it off and then someone might hear his shouts. His trembling hand turned to find the switch in the dark, but stopped short of pushing that one small button. He found that he could not bring himself to take the one action that might save his own life. 

Didn't he owe Louis this final act of atonement? Was he really willing to die? Kirk's command of the Enterprise was based on his willingness to give the last full measure of devotion to those who served with him. He had voluntarily given up home and family for this life. He had never felt those sacrifices to be in vain. He would make this one final sacrifice. It was the right thing to do. 

Barely able to speak, the captain whispered, "I'm sorry." Sorry to Walters, sorry to Louis, sorry to his friends and his family, sorry to his crew. Most of all, he sent his thoughts to Spock, who would perhaps suffer most from his death. 

As he reached out to the Vulcan, something seemed to penetrate his dazed thoughts. As if he were in the room with him, the captain heard Spock's words. 

"You would never willingly forsake one of your crew, nor would we ever abandon you." 

He was confused. Louis said that he had forsaken Walters, had left her to die. He needed to die to atone for that. Spock was wrong. But, Spock was his friend and his first officer and in all the time that he had known him, Spock had never lied. Never even exaggerated. Maybe Spock was right. Kirk felt the bond of friendship for the Vulcan as if it were a tangible thing. The confusion that had surrounded him dissolved as the ghosts receded. One angry man would not make Captain Kirk question everything he had worked and sacrificed for. He was not alone. Somehow, even here, Spock had reminded him of that. He had forgotten for a moment. He would not make that mistake again. 

With the last of his strength, James Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise, reached over and switched off the noise buffer. He would not surrender his life. He owed his devotion, not just to Louis, but to his entire crew. He would not give in. Captain Kirk gripped the metal bar and banged it against the wall of his prison. He banged and banged with all the force left in his body, and as he slipped into what might be his final blackness, he knew that he was not alone. 

Part 7 

As Mr. Spock entered the huge storage area, he realized what a truly hopeless task it was to try to find Captain Kirk here. He had no real indication that his captain was anywhere in this endless warren of rooms. It was merely a vague hunch that had brought him here. That and some sense of direction that he could not put a name to. He cast about for some sign, some bearing, and found none. Alone and unobserved, he allowed himself to slump against a wall in the corridor, overcome with grief at the loss of his friend. 

Spock realized that in a very real sense his life would also end if Jim were dead. No where else but on this ship, with this captain, had the Vulcan been completely accepted for himself. The captain's unconditional approval of Spock had been a refuge from self-doubt. And now, to lose that would be unbearable. There could never be a life like this again. 

A faint whisper interrupted Spock's thoughts. A gentle brush of sorrow, an echo of pain and great cold swept across his mind and then it was gone. 

_"Jim."_

He was here. Spock dropped his shields and reached out to his friend with all his strength. Nothing. A dim clang seemed to resonate in Spock's mind. Was it real? It had sounded like metal against metal. There was nothing near him that would make that sound. His sharp hearing picked up the sound again. 

Was it the captain? Spock struggled to maintain control. 

_"Again, Jim." _

He heard nothing. His breath froze in his chest as he willed his friend to signal again. The stillness was louder than any sound. There, he heard the noise again. It came from inside the storage room next to him. He bolted into the room, but it was empty, except for some boxes stacked against a wall. The silence seemed to vibrate as Spock strained to hear that elusive noise again but there was only utter stillness. Had Spock imagined the noise, or worse had he only wished the sound into existence? 

_"Again, Jim. Please, once more."_

He called out with his mind, trying to reach the captain. One soft clank seemed to answer from behind the stacked boxes. 

That was impossible. Spock knew every inch of this ship and there was nothing behind the walls in the storage rooms. Still, he pushed aside the crates. There was nothing behind them, only a wall panel. He strained to listen but there was only silence. 

It did not matter. Beyond reason, beyond logic, Spock was seized with the certainty that he had found his captain. He looked frantically for a tool to pry open the panel and found none. With strength born of a Vulcan's devotion, Spock gripped the sealed panel with his fingers and ripped it from the wall. Huddled in the frigid, airless space was the still body of Captain Kirk, his bloody fingers clenched around a metal bar. 

Without considering his actions, Spock swept the captain's body into his arms, ran out of the storage room, and bolted for the turbolift. He found himself unable to look down at the bruised and bleeding human, even when he felt broken bones shift with his grip. To look at Jim would be to admit his condition. This was not logical, but Spock's logic was stripped from him by the frightening burden he carried. 

As the turbo lift doors closed, Spock signaled the Sickbay. "Dr. McCoy, I have found the captain. There is no time for a medical team. I am bringing him in. We are in the turbo lift now. Prepare yourselves." He heard his voice as if it came from some distant place. The cold, unmoving body of his captain seemed to have no mass, no substance. Spock refused to consider the possibility that he might be too late, that the life force of his captain, which always seemed to give this rather small human such weight, might be extinguished. In a very real sense he held his own life in his arms. 

_"Live, Jim, live."_

Later, when he thought back on it, Spock realized that he had little memory of the turbolift ride to Sickbay or anything that happened after. He had been in a kind of trance, unwilling to face the possibility that he might be carrying the dead body of his captain. Apparently, McCoy had to pry Jim from his arms to get him on a biobed. He had no recollection of the doctor's declaration that his captain still clung to life. Spock stood rooted to the side of the bed until someone pushed him down into a chair. There he sat, unwilling and unable to leave. 

Mr. Scott assumed command and no one on the ship thought it strange that the first officer was unable to return to his duties. Somehow, they realized that his continued existence was linked to the injured Captain Kirk. Spock remained next to his captain, ignoring the requests, the orders, and finally the threats of the frustrated doctor. 

For one moment, Spock considered paying a visit to Ensign Louis. He did not. Jim would never forgive a Vulcan's revenge. And so he sat at his captain's side. He would not leave until Jim awoke. Spock knew that he had to be there when Jim regained consciousness, to reassure him that he was not alone, that his crew had not given up on their captain. This had been the act of one man, driven insane by a need for retribution. He needed to make Jim understand. It seemed more important than his duty to the ship. In fact, it seemed to be the first officer's duty. To the captain and to the ship. 

The doctor's voice broke through the Vulcan's thoughts. He looked over at the biobed and saw Captain Kirk begin to move. The captain's agitation was clear from the thrashing of his body. 

"He's starting to come around. Hold him Spock, or those ribs will break again." The voice of Doctor McCoy galvanized him to action. 

Kirk struggled to sit up, pain and confusion etched on his face. Spock firmly but gently pushed the captain's shoulders down to the bed. McCoy approached the bed with a hypo spray at ready, but Spock stepped in his way. 

"In one moment, Doctor. Jim needs to know that we are here with him and that he is safe." 

He leaned over and spoke softly to his injured friend. 

"Jim, you are not alone. We will protect you as you have always protected us. You will get well and everything will be as it was." 

The captain's eyes fluttered open and he looked into his friend's face. 

"Don't try to talk yet, Jim. We can talk when you are well." 

The captain's faint whisper made even his first officer strain to hear. 

"Louis..., help Louis." 

"Captain," replied Spock. "Ensign Louis has recovered from a drug overdose and will be remanded to Rehab Colony Alpha when we arrive at Starbase 14." 

"He's alive? Thank the gods. I ... not one more death. No, Spock... all my fault. I'm responsible. Theresa Walters, he loved her...." The captain's voice started to fade and his eyes closed. 

"Jim, you are not to blame for Louis' state any more than you are to blame for Walter's death. Louis' grief drove him mad. You are not accountable for madness. The ensign is sick and will be cured. His illness does not in any way reflect on your command of the Enterprise. You may not assume this responsibility." Spock paused. He knew his captain very well. It was crucial that he reach him. " Must I remind you again Jim, that your crew has given and will continue to give their last full measure of devotion to you, as you have always given that devotion to us." 

Kirk's eyes drifted shut, and for several moments he did not speak. Spock checked the monitors to ascertain whether Kirk was still conscious. He was about to call for McCoy, when a soft smile lifted the corners of the captain's mouth, and he looked straight at the Vulcan. His voice was so weak that Spock had to lean over his captain to hear his faint reply. "No one could ask for more, my friend." 

Perhaps it was his weakened state, or perhaps it was the medications, but as he drifted back to sleep, Jim Kirk was sure that he saw his Vulcan first officer smile back at him. 

The End. 

Author's Note: The title of this story was taken from Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. 

[Return to Nesabj Main Page][1]

   [1]: Nesabj/index.htm



End file.
